7 questions to discover whether you live for other people’s expectations

Listening to the views of family, friends or partners is part of life and can be helpful when making different choices. However, when the need to please others and gain their approval becomes constant, it can become harder to recognise your own wishes and respect your personal boundaries.

Gerry Ribas, coordinator of Unopar’s Psychology course, explains that agreeing to commitments you do not want to make, avoiding saying “no” for fear of disappointing someone, or staying in relationships simply to avoid conflict are all situations that can trigger negative emotional effects.

“Meeting other people’s expectations from time to time is part of life, but building your entire personal journey around them can lead to frustration, anxiety, resentment and difficulty in setting boundaries,” he points out.

The psychologist also stresses that living authentically does not mean ignoring advice, dismissing opinions or doing whatever you want without considering the consequences. Instead, through dialogue, negotiation and compromise, it is easier to strike a balance between listening to others and not silencing yourself.

Below, Gerry Ribas shares questions that can help you recognise whether you are living to meet other people’s expectations. Take a look.

1. If nobody could judge me, would I make the same choices?

This question can reveal how much your personal decisions are guided by your own wishes and how much they stem from a fear of being judged by others.

2. Do I struggle to say “no” even when I am tired or do not want to do something?

A constant need to please can cause someone to go beyond their own boundaries in order to avoid letting another person down.

3. Do my career choices reflect who I am, or who others expected me to become?

A career, academic education and professional success may be shaped by family and social expectations. The key is to understand whether there is a genuine connection with those choices.

4. Do I change the way I behave so that people will accept me?

Adjusting to different environments is healthy. The important reflection is to notice when that adjustment turns into abandoning your own personality, opinions or values.

5. Am I afraid of disappointing people when I put my needs first?

Feeling guilty about looking after yourself or setting boundaries may suggest that external approval has taken on excessive importance.

6. When I make an important decision, do I first think about what I want or what others will think?

This question helps identify whether other people’s opinions are being used as a reference point or as the main criterion for making decisions.

7. If my life remained exactly as it is today, would I feel fulfilled in five years’ time?

This is a deeper question, inviting you to consider whether you are building a life aligned with your own values or merely following a script set out by other people.

By Deiwerson Damasceno